My Journey Becoming a Big

Erica Rodriguez, 2025 Director of University Affairs

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As a senior trying to cope with how soon graduation is coming, I've been feeling really reflective of my time here at USC, and of course, my time in Helenes. Some of the most meaningful relationships I’ve made at USC are through Helenes, and even more specifically, through my big/little pairings. My littles and many grandlittles (please don’t ask me how many “greats” ) are so special and I’m forever grateful I made the choice to become a big, even if it was done with a bit of impulsivity. 

When I first decided to become a big in Spring 2024, I had just completed my rosebud semester. Feeling like I hadn’t really found my Helene's family just yet, I had no idea if I should be a big at all. I was so nervous about becoming a gen mem, and on top of that I was incredibly shy talking to all the new rosebuds.When the big/little form came out, I threw my name into the hat, but didn’t expect much out of it since I hadn’t formed a connection or found “the one” in a way. 

I was ecstatic when the co-directors of membership and their family chair at the time reached out asking if I still wanted to become a big. When they paired me with my first little Mel, I was incredibly excited, but also continued to fuel my own anxiety around having the “perfect pairing.” I asked my friends, my big, and honestly anyone that would listen for advice on becoming a big, and I even begged my best friend Dianna to help me with my reveal. I was so worried about the reveal that I had Dianna trace the poster and my friends from my rosebud class report back on whether or not Mel was enjoying finding out about her big. Fortunately, the reveal went down amazingly, but out of my own nervousness, I apologized to Mel for not formally talking to her or introducing myself before the reveal. She had no idea who I was and I was so worried she would be disappointed to find out her big was a complete stranger. Mel still makes fun of me for this moment to this day because apparently apologizing to your little immediately after they find out who you are is not the #norm.

Mel and I after our big little reveal

It took some time for Mel and I to hit off as big/little, and even just aligning our busy schedules made it difficult for us to hang out. I began to worry again, thinking we wouldn’t be able to develop our relationship without doing so, or maybe she didn’t like that I was her big.When we finally found time to make it work, I realized I was very wrong. We stayed in the village talking for over 3 hours post-Wednesday meeting. Once we broke the initial ice, we really connected in ways I hadn’t with anyone else before, and I  have always considered it one of my favorite moments in Helenes. 

However, this moment was only the beginning of a friendship and not nearly enough to solidify our relationship. As much fun as yapping the night away was, by the end of her rosebud semester, I couldn't confidently say we were close friends yet. It wasn’t until the next semester, Fall 2024, when we started hanging out and were gen mems together, that our relationship really blossomed. Pre/Post Helenes event debriefs over pupusas is where I saw our relationship grow and become something outside of big/little or Helenes all together. By the end of the fall, I can confidently say that I had found a best friend in Helenes and I would have never guessed that when I filled out the form and picked a little because we liked the same book that this would happen. 

Some of our Family Post Install Tea last Spring

Mel, Litzy, and I posing with Addalice my first “great” grandlittle

I became a big again a year later, this fall, and it was also done with a bit of impulsivity. This time though I felt more purposeful and intentional in deciding to become a big. I was worried that being a senior and on e-board would limit my ability to be a big, but I also felt really passionate about using my experience to really mentor a little. To be honest, I had toyed with the idea in Spring 2025, but decided that I was too unsure at the time and didn’t become a big. With a bit of impulsivity, and a conversation with one of my lovely grandlittles, Litzy, I took a chance on myself. Being on e-board both semesters, I loved getting to know each and every rosebud we accepted, and after the spring, I selfishly wished I could get to know them on a more personal level. While I very much could have done that outside of big/little, I am so grateful it happened the way it did. Meeting my new little Jenna was also due to the magic and randomness of big little pairings, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I was so excited to soft launch my #geriatric decision in picking up, and reliving the excitement of Helenes all over again. Even though I was so thrilled, and had experience as a big before, picking up still made me nervous. This time though, I found comfort in having Mel to support me, and she helped me the way Dianna did before. It felt like a full circle moment, and seeing our family expand during big/little reveal was the best feeling in the world. 

I made a fake instagram account for both of my littles.

Jenna has coined me her “vintage” big, and in just a short time she’s made an incredible impact on our Helenes Family. Funnily enough during Helenes Family week, I hosted a potluck for our giant helenes lineage, and was called “unc” by my however many “great” grandlittles/helenes cousins throughout the night. As they joked around or shared stories, I realized how full my heart felt in that moment. It prompted me to reflect on the person I was before these pairings, and while I cannot claim any of these relationships as my own doing, I felt so grateful to be a part of something so beautiful. My sophomore year anxiety ridden self would have never imagined I’d sit at my dinner table amongst so many brilliant people and be able to call them my friends.

Big little reveal this fall!

I can wholeheartedly say I have learned so much from my littles and they have both given to me in ways I can never repay. There’s a lot of emphasis on becoming a big, but the beauty of our relationship has truly been the friendship that has developed with time. In fact, I have probably leaned on Mel and looked up to her more than she probably has me, and even though it’s only been 1 month since Jenna and I had our reveal, she has given so much more to this organization than I can give to her. These words are simply not enough to describe how lucky I am to know two amazing people with such infectious amounts of happiness and love to give, and I will be forever indebted to Helenes that I can call them not just my littles, but my friends and home within this organization.